


Double Trouble

by smellchanel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, But mostly fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Road trip (kinda), terrible music references, two bros sitting in a car five feet apart cause they're (not) gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28800075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smellchanel/pseuds/smellchanel
Summary: The most cheesy story about an unintentional kidnapping, proposing, taking revenge on your ex, trying to fix family issues, listening to awful songs, and oh my god, falling in love?
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Double Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroo kidnaps Tsukishima or maybe it's the other way round?

'And after our little trip back in time with 'Joyride' we invite you to our late-night segment with criminal podcast led by one and only Satori Tend-' Kuroo turned off the radio. He didn't want to listen to some creepy radio dude talking about serial killers or unsolved murder cases at 1am. Driving through some old forest road in the middle of nowhere was already creepy enough, but lately, he hasn't been coming up with the best ideas, which was really surprising, because Kuroo Tetsurou was the world's most known genius. Or at least that was how he introduced himself to everyone who was willing to pay him more than 3 seconds of attention and right now he really needed someone next to him just to feel the presence of another human being. He had fucked up. He had fucked up really bad and right now he needed to fix his mistakes. So when he saw a tree looking like, moving posture with a flashlight he immediately stopped the car and got off.

The light from said flashlight turned to him and blinded him for a second before it started to slowly fade away when the person tried to carefully back off.   
Kuroo wasn't thinking clearly at that moment, well he probably wasn't thinking at all when he chased after them and pin them to the ground. They were wiggling under Kuroo trying to break free, but they stopped once they realized they stood no chance. Kuroo closed his face to the stranger. A faint string of light coming from the flashlight laying next to them, slightly lighten their face, so Kuroo could see a young man with glasses looking straight into his eyes. He seemed a little disturbed however he didn't look terrified, maybe annoyed at most. He also didn't resist when Kuroo was dragging him to the car, leaving the flashlight behind. 

'What are you doing?' stranger asked when Kuroo closed the door and started the car. 

'And what does it look like? I'm kidnapping you.' he snarled. He still hasn't realized what he had done. The thought of doing something illegal and going to jail as a result couldn't reach his mind yet. He heard the boy's soft laugh. 

'Congratulation!' the mocking tone reached his ears. 'You kidnapped a totally vulnerable person in the middle of nowhere. You're so sneaky and amazing. Aaaaah! I'm terrified! What are you going to do to me? Beat? Ravish? Kill? Steal my money? So sorry to disappoint but I'm broke to the wide. Maybe try selling my organs? I'm in perfect health, you don't have to worry about it.' Kuroo suddenly stopped the car causing the boy to jump in his seat. 

'Get off,' he grounded out, opening the door for him. 

'What?' the boy whispered. 

'I said: get off before I'll throw you off.' in response glasses boy only gasped theatrically and put his hand on his heart. 

'No way. Please don't leave me. I think my Stockholm Syndrome started developing. I won't be able to live without you.' he exclaimed venomously and Kuroo felt like crying. He rested his head on the steering wheel and sighed. 

'It's my first time kidnapping someone. Please cooperate and shut the fuck up.' 

'Yeah. I figured this much on my own. You're doing a terrible job,' he smirked, 'but I'll gladly be your first victim and I'll do my best, so do the same for me.' He tilled his head, still smiling but his tone wasn't cheerful at all. Kuroo looked at him with wide eyes. Just who the fuck had he kidnapped? Or rather, just why the fuck did he even kidnap someone. He might be an ENTP but he's not a psychopath. He carefully looked at the guy who closed his eyes and crossed his arms. It seemed like he was intensively thinking about something. Shit. Maybe he was regretting what he had said and he wanted to call the police on Kuroo in the next possible situation. Tetsurou sighed and turned on the radio so the murderous silence could fade away. 

'In today's episode, I'll present you the case of infamous kidnapping cases from the '80s. The first out of six victims-' Fuck. He forgot about that stupid podcast. He turned it off as fast as he had realized what could have happened but it was too late. A person next to him snorted. 

'You want to appear on the radio? Or maybe you're aiming at You Tube side and all of the true-crime creators?' Kuroo wanted to scream. 

'Please just tell me your address. No.No.Nonononono. Tell me where you want to go like maybe just the name of a city and I'll drop you there. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to do anything bad to you.' 

'I'm going to the same place as you.'

'Huh?' But the man turned his back to Kuroo silently proclaiming that he wasn't in a mood for a talk. 

'Just so you know I'm going to the other end of the country.' The Dude, as Kuroo named him in his mind, only shrugged and curled up to warm himself up. Soon after that Tetsurou pulled out of the forest road and found a bay where he parked up as he was worn out after a whole day of driving. Before he fell asleep he had wondered if sleeping in a car next to a stranger is a good and safe idea, but after all, it was Kuroo that kidnapped him so he shouldn't be afraid now, should he?

Kuroo woke up after a few hours only to hear soft snoring coming from the seat next to him. The Dude must've been tired as fuck. He thought and carefully got off to walk away a bit and unkink. He needed to do something before The Dude will call the cops on him. He started making up a great plan to prevent this from happening while peeing but he only came up with the idea to get to know The Dude's name and the reason why he didn't want to get away.   
When Tetsurou came back he saw The Dude outside the car as well and noticed a few new things: 

1.)He was definitely taller than Kuroo

2.)He was wearing Lady Gaga's merch (black t-shirt from Joanne era)

3.)Standing there in his full glory in the glow of the rising sun with his blond hair seeming more like gold, he looked very dangerous, almost frightening. (but in a vampires in Twilight way)

4.)He could choke him to death and Kuroo would do nothing to stop him 

Notation to point 4.)Wait what? 

'You hungry?' Glasses boy stopped stretching and turned back to look at Tetsurou, but he didn't say anything. Kuroo started sweating when he locked eyes with the piercing gaze of his eyes. 

'O-okay..' He stuttered and walked up to the trunk to find a water bottle and some of yesterday's sandwiches in his backpack. He threw the bottle and a sandwich to his companion who caught them without any trouble. Kuroo sighed and sat on the car's mask. 'Hey. What's your name? Or do I have to keep calling you The Dude or Glasses Boy?' When he didn't respond immediately, Kuroo panicked a little 'You don't need to tell me if you don't want of course. I'm Kuroo Tetsurou and you can call me whatever you like or you don't need to call me at a-' 

'Tsukishima.' He said quietly and Kuroo couldn't even try to hide his smile. Finally getting somewhere. 

'And one more question. I've been wondering if I perhaps may put some music if you'd let me, please?' 

'Geez. It's your car.' 

Tsukishima regretted what he had said then when Kuroo blasted Daft Punk's Brainwasher. He still could hear loud rumbling in his head even when Kuroo turned off the radio. They pulled out in a parking lot next to the gas station.

'You going?' Kuroo was already halfway out of the car. Tsukishima shook his head. 'Okay. Do you want something?' Again -shook of his head. Kuroo mumbled that he will be back in a moment and left the blond alone. Tsukishima sighed, finally relaxing a bit. This whole situation was truly bizarre but actually, it was also helpful. Taking advantage of that could take him far away in a much shorter time than walking on foot and risking that someone would find him. Tsukishima looked through the window over the gas station. It didn't seem like Kuroo would be getting back any time so Tsukki did the only possible thing to kill the boredom. He opened the glove compartment in front of him and scanned the contents.   
Some papers, random CDs with unreadable words scribbled on them, candy wrappers, tissues, empty energy drink can, chapstick, condoms, more candies, a map, a screwdriver, hairpins, sunglasses, pens, phone charger, socks? Oh God, he hoped they weren't dirty, water bottle from this morning and a funeral ribbon with caption 'Final farewell'... Tsukki closed the compartment before he found something even more disturbing. Maybe he should run away from that Kuroo guy too and continue his journey alone before it would be too late? Well... The vision of walking around dirt roads at night where he could be easily eaten by wild animals was less appealing than being killed in the comfort of sitting on a warm car seat. After a few minutes, he could see a visibly bothered Kuroo coming out of the station. A plastic bag fully stuffed in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. He practically run towards the car, violently opening the door from Tsukishima's side when he reached the automobile. 

'Would you be so kind to explain this?' He asked, throwing the said piece of paper into the blond's face. 

Missing. he read and his heart stopped a beat. 

MISSING   
TSUKISHIMA KEI  
Age: 21  
Height: 195  
Last seen on 23rd August wearing jeans, a black blouse and glasses.  
IF YOU'VE SEEN HIM PLS CALL: XXXXXXXX

Tsukishima was staring at his photo printed on the poster. It was taken during the last Christmas dinner, a faint shadow of a smile visible on his lips. 

'It's my twin brother Akiteru. I'm looking for him on my own because the police are doing a shitty job.' Tsukki said, moving his eyes from the poster to Kuroo. 

'Oh.' Kuroo mumbled and came back to sit in the driver seat. He took out his phone and started tapping furiously. Tsukishima saw it in the corner of his eye. Oh God, please no. 

'Akiteru my ass!' Kuroo screamed showing the phone with Akiteru's Facebook profile opened in Kei's face. He also took away the missing poster and, again, started tapping on his phone. 

'What are you doing?' Kei asked, trying to get the poster back.

'And what do you think? I'm dialing the number. I don't want to be assumed as your kidnapper.' Tsukishima was weaker than Kuroo so instead of seizing the phone, he reached the phone screen and tapped some random numbers. 

'I assure you that nobody will think that you kidnapped me. Besides, they'll probably stop searching for me after a few more days.' It's been over a week since his disappearing and after all, he was an adult so it won't be too long before they stop. 

'Jesus. Your family won't ever forgive me.'

'You want forgiveness from my family? For what?' Kei tried to hold back a giggle. 

'For taking you far away from home and not telling them that you're safe.' He hid his face in his hands. 'Oh my God, I'm gonna rot in hell.'

'I'm sure that it won't be the main reason why you'll end in hell.' Tsukki said reassuring. He would put a hand on Kuroo's shoulder if he wasn't disgusted just by the thought of touching someone that wasn't his close friend. 

Kuroo decided that they were heading out. Leaving the previous topic for later. He passed the groceries to Tsukishima, told him to take whatever he wanted, and started the car. This time he didn't ask if he could play the music. 

Tsukishima survived Opus' Life is life, Cher's Believe, The Wanted's Glad you came and Aerosmith's Cryin. But when the first tune of Focus' Hocus Pocus started playing and Kuroo opened his mouth to sing the first sound Kei was damned. Kuroo Tetsurou was a terrible singer and he didn't give a fuck about it. Kei felt like the universe wanted to punish him for all his sins. Although being busy driving and singing his heart out, Kuroo still noticed Tsukishima's frowned face. 

'Aww. Don't tell me you don't like classic rock.' He outscreamed the now playing Cheap Trick's Surrender. 'Hey. Open the compartment and find a CD with 'songs for a night with the boys' written on it.' Tsukishima obeyed and soon Kuroo was changing the music.

' I threw a wish in the well. Don't ask me I'll never tell!' Kuroo roared. Tsukki hid his face in his hands. 'Wait. You don't like pop music either? what about your t-shirt then?' he gesticulated towards Kei. 

'It's my friend's.' 

'Yeah. Sure. Whatever makes you feel good littlemonster.'   
Tsukishima closed his eyes. The t-shirt indeed belonged to his one and only true friend Yamaguchi Tadashi. Before he run away, Tadashi let him stay at his house for a few days and he would let Kei stay over as long as he would need it but Tsukishima didn't like to depend on others and he also didn't want to be a burden, especially to Yamaguchi, so one day when Yamaguchi left for work he put on some his clothes, left a short note that he finally decided to come back home and left. It was strange of him to regret things or show remorse but that's how he felt when he was leaving Tadashi behind without telling him the truth. But it was the only way to keep him away from worrying too much. Well... at least for two days or so. Oh, how much would he give to sit at Yamaguchi's house and drink beer with him and maybe Yachi...

Tsukki opened his eyes and realized that it was dark outside and they stopped moving. He must have fallen asleep. 

'We pulled out at the station so if you feel like washing yourself or something then you know...' 

'You're suggesting that I stink?' Kuroo scratched the back of his neck, a sheepish smile on his face. Tsukki discreetly smelled himself and immediately felt sorry for Kuroo that he had to survive last day with Tsukishima's odor. 'Okay, I get that. I'm going to shower.' Tetsurou was clearly relieved. He jumped out of the car and came back in a second with a pile of clothes. 

'They're all clean. I promise.' Kei took his clothes without any word and went to the station, hiding his face with a hood.   
When he came back Kuroo set up some kind of a pit in the back. It contained a pillow made from a bunch of hoodies and one thick blanket. 

'Look I made you a bed!' He shouted clearly proud of his work. 'Which you probably don't deserve because you lied to me and you have terrible taste in music but I kinda kidnapped you so please don't call police on me?' Tsukki snorted. 

'You should sleep there. I already took a nap besides, you drive so you should rest well. I don't want to die because you fell asleep behind the wheel.' 

'Yeah and I don't want to spend the rest of my days in jail.' Tsukishima rolled his eyes and sat on the front seat, ignoring Kuroo's dejected murmuring. 

'At least let me take that.' He showed up next to Tsukki and touched the pile of slightly wet clothes that Kei washed. He clung to them as if he was scared to let go of them. Because they belonged to Yamaguchi Kei felt like he was always watching over him. He could even hear Tadashi's soft voice in his head like a conscience. 'I'm just gonna hang them in the trunk so they'll dry faster.' Tsukishima's grip slowly lightened.

Kei wanted to laugh. This whole situation was hilarious. It was the middle of the night, sounds of the muffled snoring were keeping him awake. He was curled up on the car seat that Kuroo spread, making him practically lay on Tetsurou's legs. He was wrapped in a thick hoodie that smelled like an old wardrobe but it was keeping him warm so there was no reason to nag. He looked at Kuroo's sleeping face. Well... he wanted to but it was covered with his outstanding DIY pillow. Kei wondered what would have happened if he hadn't met him in that forest. Would he be dead by now? Maybe he would freeze or some wild animal would made him in to dinner. Or maybe police would find him and took him home. And how lucky was he to be kidnapped by such an idiot from all kinds of human beings. His organs could be already sold on the black market but there he was, fed, warm and almost cozy, trying to fall asleep and feeling safer than he felt in a long time. It was probably only temporary. Soon Kuroo's gonna turn out to be a brutal murderer that wanted to give Kei a delusive feeling of safety and earn his trust to see a beautiful expression on Kei's face while stabbing him and tearing him apart. But Tsukishima couldn't care less. He put off his glasses, hid them in the compartment and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep will soon come.

An awful smell has woken him up. He immediately wrinkled his nose with disgust. 

'Oh. You don't like coffee?' Tsukishima rubbed his eyes. He liked coffee. It just had to be awfully sweet and with milk, so there would be no taste of coffee left. 

'I'm more of a tea person.' Tsukki said while yawning. Kuroo oh-ed and ensured him that next time he's gonna get the best tea specially for him. Tsukki tried to oppose, saying that there was no need to do that but once Kuroo took something into his stupid brain there was no chance to sway it. After Kuroo drank the first coffee cup and put the second one in the cup holder he started the car and moved to fuel up. Tsukishima looked at him carefully. 

'Let me pay for the fuel.' He mumbled but Kuroo heard him well.

'It's fine. It's not like I'm taking you somewhere that you want to. You're just my companion.' 

'No. It's not fine. You took me to your's bosom and you're taking care of me. At least let me pay for the fuel this once.' Tsukki insisted. 

'I literally kidnapped you.' 

'Same thing since you're a terrible kidnapper.' He shrugged. 

They ended up splitting the bill with the promise that the next one is fully on Tsukishima's. Before he disappeared he took all of the money that he had to survive longer than just a couple of days. But since there was no use for it he could easily pay for the fuel. 

'Mind telling me where is your final destination?' Tsukishima asked when they hit the road again. 

'I'm going to see my girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend, and propose to her.' Kuroo responded cheerfully. 

'Oh. Cool.' Kei said turned his back to Kuroo. 'Wait. Propose? To your EX-girlfriend?' he was facing Kuroo again. Tetsurou nodded. 

'She broke up with me because apparently I was too immature and I wasn't taking relationship with her seriously.' He sounded abashed. 'We've been together for 6 years.' He added. Tsukishima widened his eyes. 6 years? It was more than 30% of his life. 

'How old are you? 35??' Kei asked, trying to hide his shock. 

'Hm? Do I look that old? I'm 23.' 

'You're 23? And you want to get married to a girl that you've been in a relationship since your darkest teenage years?' 

'Hey! I wouldn't call it like that. We were really in love and I think I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with her.' Kuroo opposed. Were, think,Tsukishima repeated sarcastically in his head. 

'Fucking heteros.' He murmured quietly, but he couldn't fool Kuroo's amazing god-like hearing abilities.

The landscape behind the window kept slowly changing. Gas stations started turning into single facilities only to finally became the outline of a city. Kuroo said that they were almost there and Kei wondered what he should do now since his journey with Kuroo was apparently coming to the end. Should he just stick around him until he'd tell him to fuck off? 

They stopped in a parking lot next to a huge supermarket. 

'I'll be back in a second!' He shouted already closing the door and running to the shop. So Kei waited, waited, waited and waited... It usually took him 5 minutes at most to come back since he was a personification of a hurricane. But this time it took him longer. Much longer. Queues couldn't be that big to keep him there for more than 20 minutes. With every passing minute, he was getting more anxious. What if Kuroo left him? What if he got entangled in trouble? He looked at his hands while endeavoring to think about anything but Kuroo. 

He wanted to sigh with relief when he heard the door opening but before he even looked at Kuroo he could sense that something was wrong. He almost threw himself onto the seat making the car shook and banged the door. 

'Open the glove compartment and find a small red box.' He hissed. Tsukishima immediately obeyed not wanting to worsen up Kuroo's mood with his snarky comments. He carefully run through the mess in the compartment and found said box hidden between some papers and that damned socks. He handed it to Kuroo and the black-haired man suddenly took his hand. He examined it from every possible angle. 'Now put it on.' Kuroo pulled out a thin golden ring with yellowish, moon-shaped stone. 

'Wait, could you at least tell me what's going on?' Tsukishima's confusion froze Kuroo for a second. 

'Right. Sorry.' He cooled down a little. 'So I went only to buy some flowers because for some reason it's very common to give flowers when you're proposing and the ring was expensive so I wanted to buy cheap flowers. You know, to keep balance in the universe. I was reaching out for the classic red roses when I heard someone calling out my name in a surprised tone. I looked away from the roses only to see my ex, holding hands with another guy. I mean that's fine she broke up with me and all that but then I stopped focusing on her face or their entwined hands and I realized that she looks like she's pregnant. My awesome deduction abilities told me that it couldn't be her new guy's child since we broke up like a month ago and her belly was extremely evident so I started freaking out. I was prepared for engagement not for a kid. And when I was standing there looking like having a stroke, with one hand still on the flowers she told me that it's not mine. She cheated on me and was too afraid to confess. Naturally, happiness hit me like a train because hey, I won't be responsible for a small human being while still needing someone to be responsible for me, and I kinda brushed up the fact that she cheated on me and said that I'm here with my new partner on a vacation then she said that she's surprised that I already moved over, oh my god why didn't I get offended by that then, and that she really wants to meet my new girlfriend and I accidentally might have accepted her invitation to a dinner with my new partner oh shit oh fuck o-' 

'Breath.' Kei stopped him since Kuroo started talking so fast that it was almost impossible to understand him. Black-haired put his head on a wheel. 'Okay, I get what you're saying. Well, most of it. But what that has to do with me and the ring?' Tsukishima asked. Kuroo looked at him and smiled mischievously.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi (sorry for my bad englesh).   
> My tiny brain hurts from writing it and I swore I'll finish it so please support me and let me know if you like it (or if you see any horrible mistakes since it's not my first language :x) <3


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